I'm in a dilemma, can't decide whether to try to sign on with the air force as pilot or to aim for cadet officer in SIA when i'm done with ns. talked to some pple sometime ago abt the air force, then turns out that once the bond with the air force is done, unless u fly transport plane, those fighter pilots when they come out when they are probably in their 30s, their ability to fly fighter planes does not give them any advantage in the outside world. Which means that everything they gotta start over again, they got no skills to apply for jobs outside, other than for my case maybe a diploma, which is most probably shit by then.
Whereas if i'm not gonna sing on with the air force, i can go apply for vocation of cadet officer with SIA, but then most probably they will only consider applicants who are degree holders, as degree pretty much provides any one with a huge advantage. therefore i was just talking to my parents abt what i plan to do with my life. such as planning to work a few years after ns, and try to save up enough money to get a degree, be it in sg or overseas, but preferably
a degree in aerospace or a aerospace relevant degree. however the cost is gonna be a huge problem, as my parents will not be supporting me to further my studies after my diploma, one reason being they dun wanna spent the money on me as they dun wanna use the money they saved up to pay for me. another reason being they can't afford it as well, with the high course of taking a degree fulltime.
so i was just planning to work and save up enough to be get a degree, but there's kinda a prob in it, i have to accomplish it all by abt 26 or 27, cos after that, i'm over the age limit to apply for cadet officer. btw cadet officer is aka "recruit pilot" damn, was thinking abt that all when my dad ask me if there are others ways to go abt accomplishing it. well, there's a way i know, or actually 2, one will be to strike toto, lol, then i can use the money to pay for my degree, which is like totally impossible, and the other is to get a scolarship, which is also impossible, with my results. I have this view of never regretting what i have done b4, but i'm starting to regret what i have done in the past 7 years, starting from graduating from primary sch, when i first started in anderson, i did the dumbest mistake of all, i lost my focus, and shifted my attention to this girl. It continues throughtout my sec sch life, devoiding me of a normal sec sch life, getting to know friends as well as studying hard for my future. At that time, i didn't realise how huge the effect it had on me, until i went to poly when i realises the consequences. had i not been going head over toes for wan li, oh boy, i'll be studious like in primary sch, and would have gone to a JC and have a much brighter future than now, and then my parents' money wun be spent on supporting me through just a poly diploma and would have been for a degree.
Jus thinking abt how stupid i've been and how i'm being distracted by wan li in something that totally is not worthwhile and turns out to be a wild goose chase. She went on to RJC and will be studying in NUS. sigh, was jsut thinking abt the whole thing and regretting what i have done, that i suddenly felt damn emotional and cried infront on my parents.
think my parents realised that i'm feeling emotional though they do not know the reason, and my dad tried to confort me, by saying that there's a lot of pple that at my age knows nothing of their life plans and have never thought abt it at all. But he said that i'm different, better in a way due to the fact that i'm not as lost as others, and i give serious thoughts regarding my future. but i'm not proud of that at all, in fact i thought that althought i'm give serious thought and have aims future in life that i want to achieve, i did not work towards the targets. I'm just someone that dreamt big but sacrifaced small to it,which promises failure. towards this point my tears just flowed freely, as i think abt abt my life, regretting what i did in sec sch as well as in my first 2 years of poly when i'm always slacking or working, much like a fulltime worker or slacker and partime student. if i had given much thought abt all this a few years earlier, i wouldn't have been in this position to cry over spilled milk. if i have worked hard then, probably now i would be having outstanding grades and i'll have no problem at all obtaining a scholarship and would not have needed to rely on my parents to further my studies at all.
i do not know if maybe i'm maybe thinking too much and like what my parents later told me, instilling too much pressure upon myself and making my life stressful now. they also told me that the most impt thing is to be happy in everything i do, then i was think am i happy with what i have achieved right now? definitely not. but i really wish and want to work hard and never ever regret what i did in the past ever again. never.
